Figuring It Out

I think I may have figured out where I want to take my career; I just need to figure out how to do it. I've been thinking for some time now, I would like to use my love of food, natural living, creativity, and natural health in my profession as a social worker. I would love to work with people and teach them how living a natural life can benefit them. I love to share how creativity can be a form of meditation, a way to actively meditate. For the first time, I share my dream out loud. I have shared bits and pieces of my dream with others, but this weekend, I finally told my husband my full dream. I told him how I wanted to do something with gardening, creativity, and natural health, or maybe even work with others who have the same belief system that I have. I was even telling him how I'd love to work with people who have lower incomes and teach them how to shop and cook healthy and natural on a budget. I need to research more, but there is information out there about how the microbes in dirt actually help with depression. Imagine having a garden that you can go out to and get your own food, and make your own meals. You don't need to go to the grocery store. You know what was planted and how it was grown. Imagine how much more inexpensive would it be to grow your own food and how healthy it would be. I really believe that being creative is very important, however you define being creative. I do like the idea of knitting, sewing, drawing, coloring, but I also believe that being creative in the kitchen is a great creative outlet as well as a way to keep healthy eating from getting boring. I love the process of creating, but sometimes I love the end product, especially when you are creating something that you can use. Creating clothing, quilts, hats, scarves, etc is a way to put love into something that is useful. I am thinking that since I shared my full dream with my husband, this is something that I should really start to research. I wish there was some place that I could work and get some experience, before actually doing it on my own. The other thing I would love, is to find my "tribe", people who share my vision and my passion. Its time to start moving toward my real dream and passion instead of just working to make money. Here's to healthy living and sharing that belief with others! Amy

Homesteading

I live in town just north of Boston Massachusetts. It's not a rural community and it's not a city either. My goal this year is to learn about and start homesteading. I keep trying to figure out what direction to take this blog and my life. I initially started this blog after going to farmers markets almost 6 years ago. I had already been interested in natural health, so this blog was really just an extension of what I had already been interested in. I am looking to live a more handmade and natural life, but yet I don't want to beat myself up when I can't or when in the moment, I don't want to. My ultimate goal is to learn how to use my garden to my advantage and learn how to save, store, and can veggies from my garden, so that I can enjoy my efforts into the winter. It will take some time, but I will research and learn how best to use my garden after the summer has passed. I want to get a blueberry and a raspberry bush that can be grown in containers. My thought with this is, I don't have to find the right place to plant them and we can enjoy them all summer. When the cold weather comes, you are supposed to be able to move them to a sheltered place and they will last through the winter. My kids love berries and it would be awesome to have them just pick them off the bush when ever they wanted them. I also need to get a strawberry plant because we are a house that loves strawberries. Again, I want to make and can my own jellies and jams. I would love to get a chicken or two and have my own eggs. I think my husband thinks I'm a nut with wanting chickens, but how nice would it be to go to your back yard and get eggs when you need them? I think it would be awesome! I just don't feel like I know enough yet, but I want to learn! On to researching all sorts of things, canning, storing food, chickens, homesteading and many others! Amy

My Journey

Now that I have decided on a path that I want to take my career, I figure I should start my own journey towards health and document it. Not that I haven't attempted this journey before and I even tried to document a whole new blog towards my health journey, but I think I am an a better place to move forward on this new health path that I have chosen and document it here and as well as document my creative attempts. Since this blog is meant to be about the balance of living a handmade and natural life, it is the perfect place to document both. This journey is going to be at least two fold. It will consist of me journey toward bettering my own health as well as my learning how to help others on their journey. I'm sure that my experience will help me understand what others may go through when they make the journey toward better health. I know that I am going to face issues with food addiction, stress, frustration, trying to get my family to eat healthier, and I'm sure others that I'm not even aware of right now. My journey is going to be eating a clean diet. I am not going too count calorie, points, fat grams, etc. I am going to eat fresh, home cooked, non processed meals and snacks. I am going to increase my daily movement. I am going to decrease and maybe even eliminate gluten, dairy, and sugar. I need to eliminate soda and artificial sweeteners and increase my water consumption. I am not prepared to share my starting weight, but suffice it to say, I need to lose about 20-30 pounds before I am happy with my weight. I am going to try not to focus too much on my actual weight, but it is a way to measure my progress. I'd like to be able to come to terms with the fact that I am almost 42 and will never be 120 pounds like I was when I was 20. I don't even want to be that skinny. I want to be comfortable in my own skin. I want to look at myself and see a healthy strong woman. I am going to start being more adventurous with my cooking ands creating my own recipes. This weekend, I make a mix of asparagus, spinach, peppers, and garlic cooked in butter and coconut oil with a touch of lemon juice added at the end. It was really good different than the basic greens and olive oil and garlic that I usually make, but not too crazy. I am really looking forward to this journey. I can't wait to be able to feel healthier and stronger. I hope that sharing this journey helps others to start on their own journey towards health and wellness. With this focus on food and exercise, I will not be forgetting the creative piece of my life. I want to make sure that I follow all my dreams and passions, both personally and professionally. Welcome to my journey! Amy

Changing Careers

I met with my friend Holly this afternoon and we talked about how I am thinking about changing careers, or at least changing the focus of my social work career. I was thinking that I needed to go back to school and get another degree, but after talking to my friend, I am thinking that I just need to do a lot of reading and research and get myself educated on different diet philosophies. I think my social work background is totally going o help. I've been trying to think of a way to focus my social work career away from nursing homes and the medical field, now I just need to make the change. I think my biggest focus is going to be clean eating. I have been trying to figure out what is the best diet for me and my family. I have thought about being Palo, vegan, vegetarian, and so many others, but what I am thinking is a mix of different diets. I really want to learn the ins and outs of eat diet and learn how they work in the real world. In generally, my thinking is that a balanced diet including meat, veggies, raw foods with limits to dairy, sugar, and starchy carbs. I tend to shop the outer perimeter of grocery stores already and I truly believe that is the best place to start. As I learn more and start making changes, I will share things here. I want to make changes in my life as well as help others learn to make changes in their life. I am hoping to start to be more adventurous when it comes to figuring out new recipes and ideas to make for my family. I would love to start my own therapy business with the focus on food and healthy eating, but I think I may need to initially start out working for someone to learn more, but maybe not. I'm still in the beginning phases of figuring it all out, but at least I have a small plan. I'd like to also teach people about gardening and where their food really comes from. In grad school, I helped to write a grant to get inner city kids to gardens so that they could learn what whole foods are and where real food comes from. I loved watching Jamie Oliver teach people about cooking their own food and learning what real food is. Now on to research different diet philosophies and clean eating! Amy

Looking Forward

I made an appointment with a friend to talk to her and pick her brain about health coaching.  I have decided.that I really need a break from the medical field and I need to follow my passion regarding more natural health and natural medicine. I just can't continue to work with people who blindly follow the medical field without questioning it. There is a time and place for a highly medical team, and I am truly grateful to live so close to Boston hospitals.  I am also grateful that I live where alternative and natural medicine is practiced.

My goal and passion continues to be natural health, living a natural lifestyle, and making sure creativity is a part of my life and others lives. I need to find a way to make this dream a reality and not just a dream. I'm thinking a vision board is one of the next projects that I need to work on!

Here's to moving towards your dreams, goals, and passions,

Amy

New Year, New Goals ( or same goals but just a re-focus)

It's February 2, 2015 and here, just north of Boston, we are having our 3rd snowstorm in just over a week. The first one was minimal, the second one was a blizzard, and this one is just a long storm that is giving us way more snow than I expected. I have to admit that I am not hating the snow, but now that it is February, I am looking forward to spring coming. I'm ready for warmer sunny weather, flowers, bright days and everything new that Spring brings with it. With this this weather, I have been reading Facebook. One of my friends posted about growing scallions on her windowsill. It really motivated me to start thinking seriously about my garden, both flower and veggie. There was some talk about growing potatoes inside and she mentioned how she had potatoes growing in her basement. She has a blog post about it at her blog Journey Toward Simplicity (http://journeytowardsimplicity.blogspot.com), I just haven't had a chance to read it yet. After writing this, I am on my way to reading her post. I have also been doing lots of thinking about my career, at this point in my life, and where I want to take it. I've written before about needing to refocus my career goals, but I still haven't figured out how to move forward with my goals. If I had more money, there wouldn't really be an issue. I would love to learn more about nutrition, gardening, and creating and how it all pertains to your mind, body and spirit. I would love to have a place for people to go with a creative arts studio, a kitchen and an outdoor gardening spot. I have an idea in my head, but it would take money I don't have an not sure if I ever will. I want a place where people can come and relax, learn about health and nutrition, and learn about things like yoga, meditation, and things like that. This will remain a goal for the future if I ever have the resources to do it, but for now, I will have to think of something else. One of the reasons why I was inspired to write this blog post is to re-energize myself and remind myself of my beliefs. With the superbowl this weekend, I bought a lot of processed foods that I am trying to get away from. Now that the superbowl is over, I need to get back to my goal of eating clean. I also want to start growing some plants in my basement. I had wanted to start earlier than this, but I haven't yet. I would love to get a couple of chickens, but I'm not sure that will happen this year. I want to start making my own foods instead of buying things like yogurt at the store. I'm sure I will still eat out, but I am going to try to limit that. If I do eat out, I want to make sure that I make good choices. I want to start eating less meat. I'm not sure I still have the goal to be a complete vegetarian or a complete vegan, But I want and need to neat more veggies, less meat, more non-animal protein, less starchy carbs, less sugar, and limited dairy. I need to start meditating more and doing yoga and even start running as well as some core exercises. I need to get my body moving and strong. This will help with getting my mind and body into a good place. As well as getting my body back in shape, I want and need to get my mind active and relaxed. I am hoping that I can use creativity for this as well as exercise. I'd really been enjoying my bird feeders at my windows and finally got a cardinal at the window for the first time (at least that I have seen) the other day. I need to start doing better at getting off Facebook and other social media and start spending more time doing things instead of just reading about things. I'm ok with spending time online researching things, but I need to start doing! I need to get my butt outside and enjoy being outside; in my backyard, on a hike, going for a walk, and other things like that. I want to enjoy my garden and my bird feeders. I am also going to try to get involved in a community garden project that my town is trying to start.

I wish I could find a job that I could use my love of natural health, creativity, and healthy eating. I have been using my own handmade soap, my own handmade deodorant, my own toothpaste, all using coconut oil as the main ingredient. I have started using coconut oil in my coffee and am loving it. I need to find more ways of making my own things. My next goal is to make my own laundry detergent. I've made it in the past, but I didn't like the recipe I used. I'm going to look St my friend Jenny's blog, http://journeytowardsimplicity.blogspot.com and see what I can learn from her. She inspires me to continue on my journey to living the life I want to live. Amy

Re-Inspired

It's been a few months since I've posted here. I seem to always start trying to post more of my creative things on another, separate blog but I always seem to come back to here I have recently become re-inspired to start posting here again and following through with why I created this blog in the first place. When I started this blog about five and a half years ago, it was to start living a more healthy and natural life while creating handcrafted things. Through the craziness of life, my follow through waxes and wanes. I have started creating mandalas and "zentangling". I have finally learned what zentangling is and love that I can be creative and do meditation at the same time. I have been posting my creations at my other blog, http://pixiewindow.blogspot.com. My latest creations are below:

I am also re-inspired to change my eating. I have been working on changing what and how I eat, and it's been a challenge. With the new year starting, I am joining up the with the 100 days of real food challenge. I am also trying to work more on how to add why I write about in this blog into my professional life. I love who I work for, but I don't love working in the nursing home arena any more. I want to do something more with nutrition and creativity and now that I have my LICSW, I feel like I have more options. I feel like I need to make more changes in my personal life so that I can be more credible in my professional life. I would love to have a place where I can have a creative arts studio and a kitchen and garden where I can teach about nutrition and where food comes from. I would love to have a place where people, especially children, can come and learn how to eat healthy and learn where food comes from and what different types of foods there are and how to create healthy delicious food that they will enjoy. I also want to teach ways of being creative and how to use creativity for relaxation and meditation. Someday, if I keep trying to figure it out, I will find a way to have my passions be part of both my personal and my professional life. I'll, hopefully be writing more about my plans and what I learn. I'm sure I'll continue posting on pixiewindow.blogspot.com, but I will be sure to continue to be active here and post about my mandala, zentangle, gardening, and cooking and eating healthy.

Best Wishes on living a balanced, handmade and natural life< Amy

My Life

This is the start of a crazy week. My twins have their annual physical tomorrow, then the next day my oldest has an appointment with his autism doctor, and then I take my LICSW test on Wednesday.  Along with this I have to work at three different nursing homes this week.  As usual, I am continuing to try to figure out life.  I keep trying to living the handmade and natural life that I want to live, but for some reason, it always seems so illusive.

I just read a blog post about " Our Year Without Groceries"  and I am re-inspired to continue with this dreams and desire to live a handmade and natural life.  As always, there is a balance, but I haven't quite found the balance I want or need.  I'm not sure that I could go a year without going to a grocery store, but I would love to try it.  I need to figure out how, just north of Boston, I can afford to eat local. I have a garden, and we should be set for tomatoes and kale, but I'm not sure what else.  Farmers markets here seem to be more of the "in thing" instead of a way of life.  I love going to our local farmers market, but, unfortunately it is really an expensive way to buy food.  I would love to support my local farmers, but I need to figure out how to keep it within my budget.

Along with the food issue, I need to work on the clothing issue.  I just read a story to my children about being green.  One way I want to live a greener life, other than with eating less processed foods, is to reuse clothing.  I have been really lucky with hand me downs for my kids, but I haven't been as lucky or as good with thrift stores and hand me downs for me.  I want and need to stop buying and adding to the excessive amounts of "stuff"

Once I pass my LICSW test Wednesday, I am hoping to do more than just nursing home social work.  I am hoping to do social work with my love of handmade and natural living. I would love to work with people to teach them how to live this way, But I need to learn how to live this way too.  I will keep trying and learning and failing and getting back up and trying again.

This blog is my dream and my ultimate goal and I will continue to work at living the life I desire.  I may not always live it and I may fall really hard, but I will continue to get back up and try again.  I hope that at some point, I will be able to share this with others!

Amy

Making Changes

I'm trying to maintain the reasons behind why I started this blog. The last few years haven't been easy nor have I been following through with my beliefs on food, eating, and creating.  I am the heaviest I have even been and for some reason, I can't seem to change my bad habits, or stop eating my trigger foods.  I was talking to a friend who lost some weight and she is doing a pretty strict weight loss program.  I can't remember exactly why she is doing, but what I do remember is that the foods she  not allowed seem to be my trigger foods. I joined in a 21 days of clean eating group on a blog written by a friend over at "Journey Toward Simplicity".  I haven't been all that great doing the complete clean eating, but it has made me think about what I am doing. 

I need to start eating clean more often. My goal with this blog was exactly that.  I wanted to start making my own food, eating out less,  and eating healthy foods that are actually found in nature. My problem is, I start off doing well, but never seem to last more than a very short time. I need to really pay attention to what my body is saying and give it what it needs, not what I think it is craving.  I'm sure my body is never really craving a hot fudge sundae from my local ice cream store (though I don't think its bad once in a while). I'm sure its craving a certain nutrient or a certain emotion, but not that food that I know is not healthy.

Our garden is planted and is finally starting to look good.  We've had some bizarre weather here in MA.  Winter seemed to go on forever, and even now, the weather is cooler than I think it usually is. I am not complaining.  I am actually loving the high 70's low 80's with cool nights. I am not a gardener, so I have no idea how or if the weather is affecting  my garden.  My Red Russian Kale is coming along well and I should be able to harvest soon, and I'm looking forward to it!

I also need to get back to being creative more often, but also actually finishing a project.  I can' keep starting a project and not finishing them. I need to start following my idea of upcycling and not always buying new.  I need to start remembering what I want out of my creative life and follow through. 

 I know that these changes aren't going to happen overnight, but I just need to keep pushing forward and remember to not beat myself up when I don't follow through.  I need to just get back up, brush myself off and start again!

Amy

P.S. My LICSW test is in 2 weeks.  I need to continue studying and I need to and ill pass this exam! I am hoping that will open up more avenues for me.  I can't wait to take the test and see the words "you passed".  Wish me luck and keep me in your thought and prayers!

Life

I'm still trying to figure out what I want to do with my life.  I am hoping that I can test for my LICSW sooner than later.  That would mean that I would have so many more options with in my career as a social worker.  I am trying to stay positive about remaining a nursing home social worker, at least part time, so that I can make money and then maybe do something with my love over creating and natural foods part time.

I have figured out that I do like to being a social worker, but I want to pursue a career in fiber arts and maybe even nutrition.  I know that I need to get some more education for both of these to be a career.  My 3 kids will all be in school all day in the fall, and since my husband is a teacher, I hopefully will be able to go back to work during the day starting in July.

I am hoping that when I go back to work during the day I'll have more time to work on things that are hobbies now and then maybe they will be more than hobbies.  I need to have a focus, and I need to get some more education on how to use my hobbies in a professional way, especially within my social work career.

I do know that I need to be better at following through with things in my personal life.  I  have been better at eating more naturally and less processed, but I really need to do more.  Today is the last day of winter, not that it means much in New England, but I am hoping that warmer weather is on its way with the Springtime.  I am hoping that with the warmer weather and starting our garden, I will be able to keep eating more naturally and be even less processed!

Welcome Spring!

Crocus from my garden!

Well, Hello There!

Well, Hello!

It's been a while.  I've been at the computer a lot lately, but not on my own blog, just every other blog out there, or so it seems.  I have written multiple drafts of different posts, but never seem to be able to finish them.  I'm hoping to get a new laptop or tablet or combo so that I can spend time doing different research and maybe even post a little more often.  I have started so many blogs, but I think that this one is one that I can maintain and keep going, all while combining the different aspects of my life.

I've gone a little off track with both this blog and my life.  I started writing this blog, trying to be more health conscious and living locally and naturally.  I seem to have gone away from this belief and started to eat more processed foods vs natural foods, buying things at large box style store vs local stores or even better making my own, and spending more time in front of the computer or the TV vs spending time creating or reading.

Today, I started making my own farmer's cheese and some sour dough bread.  I also started infusing some vodka (marshmallow and cranberry not that it's a healthy food).  I plan to try to make some homemade caramels too, again not a healthy food but better than processed store bought.  I will be making some yogurt over night too.  I've been growing my own sprouts lately and have tried to grow micro greens.  I just need to start the micro greens again.  My goal is to continue to make my own meals instead of eating out.  That way, I know what we are eating and we are saving money.

I want to start making my own clothes or at least up-cycling thrift store finds or hand me downs.  I Find myself sewing a lot more than doing other types of crafts.  I like being creative in general, but I really love sewing!  I really love quilting!

I hope to start posting more often.  Hopefully, my posts will consist of foods that I make and why and how I made them.  I hope to post more about the homemade things I make, bath and body items, household cleaning items.  I also hope to post more about the handcrafted things I make and how I make them.

This is a blog about balance, so it will also have some posts on how to not go crazy trying to live a natural and handmade life.  My house is definitely not a house that is free from plastic toys and they probably have too many toys.  The kids probably watch too much TV, but we are working on that (for me too).   Here, in New England, it's been a snowy and cold winter.  I am looking forward to spring and doing more outside things as a family.  I am hoping to get out to western MA to see some parts of my own state that I haven't ever really experienced.

I'm looking forward to being back on here and sharing how I have "the balance of living a handmade and natural life" with 3 small kids, a husband, a dog, and working part time.  Hopefully this will help me keep on track!

Amy

"Unprocessed October"

I'm taking some inspiration from my Facebook friend and fellow twin mom over at http://bonusrounds.blogspot.com and challenging myself to follow through with my reasons for starting this blog.  For the most part, I shop the perimeter of the store.  I tend to try to make my own foods, but lately have become lazier than I would like.  I have also become lazy with my dairy free, gluten free diet.  With this being October 1st and the start of the fall season, I am challenging myself to really be focused on what we eat and how much of it is processed versus how much I make myself.

One thing I have started making from scratch is yogurt.  I used the "recipe" over at http://crockpot365.blogspot.com/2008/10/you-can-make-yogurt-in-your-crockpot.html and have loved how it comes out.  It is definitely thinner than store bought yogurt, but guess what?  All you have to do is strain it and then you have greek yogurt and it is delicious, thick and Creamy!

I plan to make my own gluten free bread today after I get home from a play date.  Unfortunately it is from a mix, but I had already bought it and don't want to waste it.  I plan on making up my own gluten free pancake mix, my own granola and granola bars, maybe even my own nut milk.  I am hoping to get back in the habit of cooking healthy foods for my family.

Along with cooking, I am also planning on continuing to research more about art therapy and how I can make it a career.  Being creative is something that is very important to me, including being creative in the kitchen.  Being as natural as possible is very important to me.  I am hoping to get back on track with following my beliefs and living a handmade and natural life as much as possible.  As the title of my blog states, there is definitely a balance, but my goal is to be more natural than processed!

Amy

Thoughts!

So here it is the beginning of September, the start of a new school year and almost the start of fall.  At this time of year, I start to think about new goals, new beginnings, and just new everything.  I love the fall.  I love the cool crisp weather.  I love the colors.  I love the energy.

With the start of fall, I am starting to think about what changes I need to make in my life.  What new beginnings I want to have.  What direction I want to lead my life.  With these thoughts in mind, I have been trying to really work on figuring out what direction I want to take my career.  On some level, I think I should just stick with what I know and remain a nursing home social worker.  The thought of not making a change is comforting in the fact that I like stability and I don't like change, as well as knowing that I know my job and can make money at it.  On the other hand, the thought of remaining on the exact same career path, really depresses me.

I recently watched an episode of "Choppped" on The Food Network.  They were interviewing one of the chefs and he talked about always thinking about food and cooking, and that was how he figured out that he wanted to be a chef.  Then last night, I was watching TV, and there was a commercial (I think it was a commercial) that talked about a woman who wanted to be a potato farmer.  Her father talked her out of it partially for the lack of money and partially for the time involved in farming and she went to school to be a nurse.  Ultimately, though, she ended up being a full time potato farmer and a part time nurse.  Both of these things got me thinking about my life.

What do I keep thinking about?  If I were to be asked about my passions in life, how would I answer?  If money were no object, what would I want to be doing with my life?

These questions keep bringing me back to health and wellness and creating.  I love making things.  I love how I feel while I am creating and when I finish creating.  I love the idea of "alternative" health and wellness.  I would love to be a part of a group of people that used "alternative" methods towards health and wellness.  I want to use my social work education and experience to to be creative and help people.

Maybe I can, once I have my LICSW, try to help people by using crafts as a therapeutic tool.  Maybe I can help people feel the same way about creating as I do.  I don't necessarily need my LICSW for that, unless I want to call myself a social worker when I am working with people.  I also think that it will give me a little more credibility for this type of work too.

I could start now by teaching a class at a local craft studio, but there is the issue of money.  I would love to give up my part time social work job and if I could make money, I would do so in a heart beat.  If I could get a full time job doing something I love, and make enough money, I would go back to work and put the kids in full day preschool.  The problem is I can't make enough money doing what I love.  So, for now, I will stay home with my children (which I love and truly appreciate), homeschool them for preschool, create with them and maybe with their friends, work part time in a nursing home, and create in my spare time.  I will make time to create as often as I can, while I complete my other responsibilities.

I will keep putting out to the universe: my dreams, my goals, and my desires.  I will try to be open to what opportunities I am presented with.  I will try to get enough courage to teach a class at my local craft studio.  I will spend the next couple of years trying to research getting information on how I can make my dreams a reality.  I will start using this blog as a way to teach others that being creative is a great way to reduce stress and live the good life.  I will share how things are going with my research and where my dreams are at.  I will share projects that I create, as well as some healthy food recipes and some wellness ideas.  I will try to follow my heart and live a creative and passionate life!

Amy

Getting Back On Track With This Blog

I started this blog almost 3 years ago with the goal to write about living a more natural life style.  For me this means cooking my own food, growing my own food, eating local and with the seasons, eating healthy and naturally, being creative and not buying everything at the store, or even buying things that are thrifted and "upcycling"them.  Not only am I not really following through with these things on this blog, but I have let go of actually practicing a lot of this in my life (which is maybe why I am finding it so hard to write about it).

I am moving towards a more vegan diet.  As I have written, I have the BRCA2 gene mutation, which places me at a much greater risk for breast and ovarian cancer as well as pancreatic cancer and melanoma.  I still have to decide if I am going to have surgery to reduce my risk, or if I am just going to try to do things a little more naturally.  I have some doctors appointments coming up and have to schedule a couple more.  I am hoping that after these appointments, I will be able to make a better decision on which direction to go.  If I decide to have surgery, I will also continue with a mostly vegan diet and living a lifestyle that has ways of dealing with stress.

The research that I have done, has shown that eating a plant based diet, is something that can greatly reduce your chances of getting cancer.  I figure, even if I have surgery, it can't hurt to take care of my body and eat less meat and more fruits and veggies and whole grains.  I am also planning on really going gluten free and dairy free since I have sensitivities to these foods, or at least I think I do.  I also need to be better at gluten and dairy free meals and snacks for my older son.  He too has sensitivities that seem to manifest as symptoms of Autism.  Since we have greatly reduced his gluten and dairy intake he has greatly improved.  I really believe that diet plays a huge role in how our body reacts, not just physically but mentally as well.

We will be having a garden this year, and I hope that we do better and that we can get a lot of things from our own garden.  I really need to spend some time and research how best to eat locally and seasonally as well as doing it on a budget.  I really want to start making my own foods instead of going out to eat or buying more processed foods.

I also keep thinking about crafting for charity.  I will be creating things for my local twins group to sell at their annual convention.  It will be nice to donate to something that I can directly benefit from and have benefitted from in the past.  As much as this is great, I really want to do something more.  One of these days I will get the courage to talk to my selectman friend about collecting things at the farmers market.  I would love to be more active in my community and maybe this is one way to start.  I have grand thoughts, but am not sure if they are too grand and need to be tailored down.  I will keep thinking and maybe I'll get the nerve to talk to him about it.

Amy

On Being Previvor

If you didn't know, I recently found out that I am a "previvor".    A previvor is a term, I believe, that was founded by force.com to designate a term for people who are positive for the BRCA gene.  I now am faced with the decision to have prophylactic surgeries to remove my ovaries and my breasts.  This has been something that I have thought about for the last couple of months.  I had started thinking about it before I got tested, but the reality of this is just finally hitting me.  Last night was really the first time that I allowed myself to break down.  I was out doing my walk/run and in the middle of it, I broke down and started crying.  I started talking to my husband about what happened and he said I really need to do research and figure out what I need to do for me and that he will support me in what ever decision I make.

If you couldn't tell by the name of this blog, I believe in living a more natural life, but I also believe that there is a balance that needs to happen when living a natural life.  This decision is one area that I believe needs to be balanced.  I don't think that it is an easy decision to make: to either have surgery to remove parts of my body, that for a lot of women including me, are part of who we are as women or to use more alternative means to prevent cancer, breast and ovarian.  Right now I am leaning to not doing surgery with the potential of maybe having my ovaries out, but not having my breasts removed.  I have felt that this was going to be the way that I would go from the beginning, but I am scared of making the wrong decision and getting cancer and leaving my husband and 3 young children before it is time all because I made the wrong decision.

The New Year's goals that I have written about are based a lot on my BRCA2 + status.  I think that if I can work harder on these goals and actually meet them or at least continue working on them, I have a good chance of preventing cancer.  There is a lot of writing out there about having a gene and getting cancer.  There is also some information on how your genes are not your destiny.  I am hoping that I can make changes to my life to help change my genetic destiny.  I need to do a ton of research, and I need to find people who are on the same page as I am.  I haven't really figured out how to find these people, but I am hoping that there may be a group that I can find, maybe a support group type forum that actually meets in person.  I love that the internet allows for all sorts of info, but I really want to meet people and talk to professionals in person.

I am hoping that at some point in my life, I will figure out what I want to do professionally and hope that the less stress I have career wise will help with less stress overall.  I would love to have a career that took into account my beliefs of living a handmade and natural life.

Wish me luck on my research endeavors!
Amy

Test Results

If you didn't know, my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer just about 1 year ago.  She has gone through chemo and radiation treatments and so far things are looking positive.  Her lump was caught early, unlike my grandmother her mother, who almost 6 years ago died of breast cancer.  Since my mom got diagnosed, she also got tested for the BRCA gene.  She got confirmation that she is a carrier for the BRCA 2 gene.  Currently, in my family, my mom, my grandmother, my grandmother's twin sister, and my great grandmother all have had breast cancer.  My grandmother's younger sister also had and died of pancreatic cancer, which the BRCA 2 gene puts you at higher risk for.

Now that my mom got tested, my sisters and I had to decide if we were going to get tested.  At first, I was leaning totally against having the gene test.  After talking with my doctor, I decided that it would be better to find out if I had the gene, because with my family history, without getting tested, I would need to have increased testing to ensure that things were caught early just in case I was at higher risk and didn't know it. I got met with a genetic counselor right after Christmas and with my husband decided to have the test.  Just about a week ago, I found out that I tested positive for the gene.

I wasn't totally surprised at the results, but I was still in shock from actually seeing it on paper and having one of my worst fears confirmed.  Of course, the immediate recommendation was to have a bilateral mastectomy and oophorectomy.  I was told that I needed to meet with an oncologist and discuss my options.  If I decided not to have surgery, I need to have a mammogram and a MRI every 6 months alternating each time.  If I don't have the oophorectomy, I need to have a trans-vaginal ultrasound and a CA-125 blood test every 6 months.  Even though I don't have cancer, I left that appointment feeling like I had been given a a death sentence, especially if I didn't have surgery.  Not exactly a great feeling to have especially not actually having cancer. I thought that since my family tended to get cancer later in life, I have a decent amount of time to decide, but no, they just lucked out (if getting cancer at all can be considered lucky) and got cancer later in life.  The BRCA 2 gene tends to cause earlier cancers, something I did not expect to hear.

I am still trying to figure out where to go from here.  I have 3 small kids and a great husband.  I don't want to get cancer.  I don't want to go through the pain and suffering and even potentially die, but I also don't want to have surgery.  There are too many reasons to go into right now, and at some point I will probably write about it just to put it in words that I can actually read.  My New Year's goals go along with the changes that I want to make especially now that I have tested positive for the gene.

My diet needs to change and so do my exercise habits.  I have joined in with another twins mom's blog for a healthy challenge.  I am hoping that this challenge will help me make the changes that I need to make and hopefully make theme stick.

As well as changing my diet, I want to continue to try to use natural cleansers for my home and my body instead of using chemicals.  I want to start doing yoga like I have been wanting to.  I actually saw a book that I may get so that I can do yoga with the kids.  I also want to focus on doing things to reduce my stress. According to the book "Crazy Sexy Diet", reducing stress helps increase telomerase which helps with increasing the size of telomeres which intern helps prevent chronic disease (I hope I explained that right.  I should go back and double check).  One way to help reduce my stress is by creating.  I am hopeful that living the kind of life that I want to live will help me live a long happy healthy life! 

Amy

Goal: Living Naturally

One of my new goals this new year is to live more naturally.  For me, this means making things when possible, not using harsh chemicals when possible, eating healthy, and other things like that.  I would love to try not to buy things at big chain stores when possible, but unfortunately, the state of our financial affairs makes it so that we have to find the best price possible.

One thing I am trying to do, is to cook more at home.  I am trying to make my own products when possible instead of relying on pre made items.  I am trying eat healthier too.  When I shop, I am trying to make sure that I only shop the outside perimeter of the store.  I am trying to plan my meals in advance so that I am not wasting food.  planning in advance and not wasting foods are 2 things that I really need to work on.

I have been cloth diapering since my twins were 6 months old.  They are now going to be 3.  Thankfully we are getting to the point of potty training and then we will be done with diapers (hopefully).  A couple of months ago, I decided to start making my own "mama pads".  I was a little afraid that I would be grossed out or that my husband would be grossed out.  After talking to another twin mom friend, I decided to try making my own.  Turns out, my husband is extremely supportive of this and I am on my 3rd cycle of using them and am really happy that I made the switch.  Unlike cloth diapering, if I am traveling I will use disposables.  My goal, now, is to refine my pattern and make better pads.  Pretty sad, but I am really excited about making the switch!

I am trying to not use harsh chemicals in my house.  I love how clean things get with bleach, but am not a fan of the smell, or having it around with little ones.  My goal is to only use it occasionally and I plan on using white vinegar and baking soda more often.  I have used both of these products depending on what I am cleaning and I have been happy with the results.  I now need to get some recipes and find natural way of making an anti-bacterial cleanser that is not bleach.  I also need to get organized (which is another goal) so that I am cleaning on a schedule (I hate cleaning!!).  I am also trying not to use harsh chemicals in my health and beauty products.  Again I am trying to stay away from buying pre made items in stores when possible and make my own from supplies!

I would love to make my kids clothes and even my own.  My problem is that I am not that good at sewing clothes and I don't have a ton of time to practice.  I try to use hand me downs for the kids so that we are not always buying new.  I am trying to plan on making toys and learning experiences for them instead of looking to the store to get what I want.  My next book to get is:

"Fabric-by-Fabric One-Yard Wonders: 101 Sewing Projects Using Cottons, Knits, Voiles, Corduroy, Fleece, Flannel, Home Dec, Oilcloth, Wool, and Beyond"

I am also trying to up cycle when possible.  We try to donate unwanted clothing, but I would love to try to use it to make things instead of just giving it away (also a way to save money and not rely on stores all the time).  I am using old receiving blanket for cloth wipes and my "mama pads".  Again, this way I don't have to buy new material and spend money after throwing away perfectly usable cloth!  My next goal is to go to a thrift store and actually buy clothing for cheap that is totally outdated and try to update it and make it current.  I am totally inspired by http://www.newdressaday.com/ and would love to be as creative and thrifty!

Hopefully I can really start to work on these goals and make it so that I can feel good about doing what I can for my health, my family's health, and the environment!  I think that, for me, it is good that I am writing this down so that a) I see it in black and white, and b) there are people who read my posts and hopefully this will make me more accountable.

Amy

Defining Goals

Like I said in my last post, I have a few goals that I want to work on in the coming year.  I think, to make sure that I actually follow through, I am going to give myself time to get there instead of making myself meet all the goals at once.  I also need to define my goals a little better.  When I wrote them, I just wrote them down to have an idea of what I wanted and needed to work on.  Now it's time to get to the knotty gritty of what I want to work on so that I know how I am going to meet these goals.  I will probably at some point actually write up these goals like I was working as a social worker with problem, goal, interventions, and time frame listed so that I can measure and see if I am actually doing what I want to do.  I will also be re-evaluating from time to time to make sure that the goals are still what I want and see if I need to change anything.  For now though, I am just going to me a little more specific about each goal.

1. Cook more healthy foods, cook from scratch, and try to be as sustainable as possible: This is pretty self explanatory and basic, but to break it down, I want to follow through with eating the way I should be eating, stop using processed pre-made food, and try to eat local, and in season when possible.  My goal is to shop the perimeter of the store, buy less packaged foods, make what I can instead of buying pre made such as using dried beans, making bread (gluten free), and buying good healthy food and making sure that it tastes good not just healthy.
2. Make time to be creative: I know how important it is for me to be creative, but I don't always make it easy.  I am hoping to figure out a way to be able to make it easier to be creative (maybe if our house guest of 8 months leaves, I can set up something in the basement and keep it set up instead of setting up and taking down each time.  I need to make set projects so that I am not trying to pull together everything when I find the time to do something creative.  I also need to finish one project at a time instead of having multiple projects going at one time!
3. Try to live as natural a lifestyle as possible: I am trying to eat healthier, more sustainable, and locally.  I am going to try to make my own cleansers and bath and body products for me and my family.  I am going to try use less paper products and use cloth products more.Sometimes, I find myself using paper towels more often than not just because it is easier.  I am hoping to use towels more and paper less.  I am also hoping to use my cloth diapers more consistently.  I have been doing a really good job here, but I am using disposable wipes more often than I had in the recent past and I need to get back to using the cloth wipes (especially since I like them better).  I have been using cloth pads for my last couple of cycles.  This may seem kind of gross and a little TMI, but I actually do like them better and I like again that I don't have to throw them out I just wash them daily with my diapers for the kids.  And again, a little TMI, but I want to use more family cloth instead of toilet paper.  I was doing it for a while, but stopped for some reason I can't explain.  The best part is I have a ton of flannel receiving blankets and fleece scraps that I can use so I will not have to spend money or waste material.  As I find or think of more ways of living naturally I will work on incorporating them into my life.
4. Spend more time in direct play with my kids: I have tended to let the kids watch tv probably more than I should.  I sometimes feel like I have contributed to my kids speech delay, but I know that there are other issues that have contributed to it too.  It has been a lot of work having 3 kids so close in age.  As tough as it has been though, I am glad that they are close in age.  Now that they are a little older (in 20 days, I'll have 3 three year olds for a month and a half), it is so much fun to watch them play with each other (that is when they are not fighting).  We got a bunch of new toys for Christmas and I am loving how they play.  We will be incorporating more structured play into our day as well as non structured play.  My twins are being evaluated for public pre-school, and while I don't think that they will get in, I will not put them into pre-school for 2 years.  I can't afford 2 in school for 2 years and I don't think that it is needed either, especially since I am home with them.  That being said, I think that have a homeschool pre-school setting is a good thing to do.  The only thing that I think will lack is interaction with other kids, but I am hoping that with playgroups, I can find kids for them to interact with.
5. Get my stuff organized: Man, this is going to be a work in progress!  A huge work in progress.  I'm not even sure I know where to begin.  This is one where I will need to start with one room, one area of one room and start small.  I will add more to this area as I figure out what to do.  One thing i do know is that I definitely need to have a system for cleaning.  That may be the first thing that I put in place.  How to keep up with the laundry, vacuum, clean the kitchen, plan my meals, etc.
6. Start an etsy.com store: This is a goal I have had for a while.  I want to try to make a little back from what I spend on materials being creative.  I am hoping to make fun, creative small little accessories that people can feel good about buying for themselves or a gift.
7. Learn more about the things that I am interested in instead of just knowing a little about a lot of different things: Wow, this is another area that I need to spend time figuring out how to be specific.  I want and need to learn more about gardening.  I would love to learn more about permaculture and how we can incorporate that into our gardening, both veggie and flower.  I want to learn more about herbs which also goes along with learning more about gardening.  I want to learn more about aromatherapy and how to use it in my day to day life as well as maybe using it professionally.  I want to learn more about art therapy and how I can use it as a career.  I want to learn more about sewing and other crafts that I can work on making and selling or maybe even teaching.  I want to learn more about meditation and yoga.  I want to learn more about journaling and how to incorporate it into my career path.  I want to learn more about cooking and eating healthy (not necessarily traditional nutrition, but more alternative ways of diets).  I'm sure there is a ton more that I want to learn, but for now this is where I am going to focus.

So I have spent some time figuring out more specifics to my goals.  I now need to actually work on accomplishing them.  I am definitely going to wrote these down in more of a care plan format, like I would do for work.  Maybe once I get that done, I can share a couple.  Maybe if I luck out, the twins will get into public preschool and I will have a couple of hours of free time that I can devote to making these goals are reality.  Maybe I can spend time creating and selling so that I am finding time to be creative and also so I can make some extra money.

Thanks for listening (ok reading),

Amy

Amy

New Year/New Goals

It's January 1st 2012.  Like most people, I am trying to figure out if I should make any resolutions.  I am tinkling that I want to, but then there are those that talk about how resolutions are foolish.  They say that resolutions don't work.  They believe that resolutions are just a way to try to make changes but that they are just a way of making us feel better.  This year, I am thinking that instead of making resolutions, I am going to  Set goals for myself. Now this may seem like I am just using a different word to mean the same thing, but I think either way goals are better than resolutions. Also, I am not doing this because that is what you do at New Years, I am doing it because the holidays are over, life is settling down, and it just feels right!

So, what are my goals? Right now, my goals are to follow my beliefs behind this blog. To clarify this for myself, the following are my goals:

1) cook more healthy foods and to make more foods from scratch and try to be more sustainable in what we eat

2) make time to be creative

3) try to live as natural a lifestyle as possible

4) spend more time in direct play with my kids

5) get my stuff organized

6) hopefully start an etsy.com shop

7) try to learn more about the things I am interested in instead of just knowing a little bit of information!

I could and probably should be more specific. From my professional career, I know that goals are supposed to be written certain way and these are not. I need to refine them make them measurable and more specific, but for now, it will do. I have more time to get more specific. I may write another post about the goals when they are more clear, but for now this will do!

Amy

Where Am I Going With My Life?

I joined in with creativeeveryday.com to try to help force myself to make time to be creative every day. Overall, I did much better than I thought I would. I was able to work on more things than I actually posted, which I suppose makes sense. I would much rather be creative and not post than try to make time to post and not have as much time to be creative. I keep thinking that I am going to try to seel things I mark, but I haven't gone that way yet. I still have so much fear about failing, that I don't really try to peruse it. I really need to think about letting go of my fear of failure and go for it.

My latest sewing project for my 20th reunion.  I hand sewed it quick to have something to bring, but now I need to machine sew it so it lasts better.

I also really need to think about what I am going to do when I go back to work. I still have plenty of time, but if I don't start thinking about it, I'll be needing to find a full time job and I won't necessarily be Doing something I really want to do. Will I ever be able to make a living doing something I love vs something I like? Will I be able to be creative in my work instead of just following regulations? There has to be a way to use my social work degree, my love of creating, and my love of handmade and natural things in my career choice!

I really need to focus on what I want my personal life to be and maybe then my professional life will follow. I need to start eating right. I need to start making time to be creative and maybe making time to sell thinks I make. I need to continue to live a handmade and natural life and increase or even start practicing certain things like yoga, meditation, vegan/vegetarian eating, etc.

I will keep the focus on figuring out where I want to go with my life and figure out how to make sure that I can maintain a great family, a house and maybe start a new professional career in time for when I go back to work in the next 3 or so years!

Amy