Angelina Jolie's Decision

I can't remember if I wrote about this in the past, but I am positive for the BRCA2 gene mutation.  I found out about 1 1/2 years ago after my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer and found out that she had the gene.  Thankfully, she is doing well after her treatment.

When I found out she had the gene and decided to get tested, I thought about my options if I was positive.  Before I got my results, I decided that I would not get prophylactic surgery.  After I got my results and since, my decision has wavered a bit, especially when stories like Angelina Jolie's come out.

Over the last couple of days, I have been rethinking my decision not to have surgery.  I thought about the fact that I have such little kids.  I thought about the pain and suffering that my grandmother went through.  I thought about how my great grandmother, my grandmother, my grandmother's twin sister, and my mother got breast cancer.

I also thought about what surgery would mean for my body, my mind, my identity.  I thought about (and still think about) how going immediately into menopause would affect my body.  I thought about how my identity would change knowing that I would have parts of my body removed (as silly as it sounds).  I thought about how much piece of mind I would really have even if I had surgery.  Would I have less anxiety or would I still worry that I would get cancer even after having body parts removed.

I honestly feel like this is such a personal decision.  What is right for me isn't necessarily right for everyone.  What is right for Angelina Jolie isn't necessarily right for me.  I think that all options should be looked at and weighed out.  For me not having surgery gives me the option of changing my mind later after having time to think about it.  If I have surgery, I can't change my mind!

Right now, my choice is to eat right (more on the pH diet), exercise, work on the mind body connection, work on my stress level and how I deal with it.  I think doing this will not only keep me healthy and hopefully decrease my risk for cancer overall, but will also get me healthy to have surgery if I chose to do so later in life.

I am going to be forty this summer.  Things may change as I get older since my family seems to get cancer later in life.  I may change my mind about having my ovaries removed after I go through menopause.  I may change my mind if I find a lump.  Right now, I can't have surgery without having cancer.

My life is telling me that I need to look at the different things I believe in.  I keep thinking that I need to make changes in my professional career so that it goes along more with my beliefs.  I need to make sure that I look into more education that will help me have a career doing things I believe in and love.  Loving what I do and believing in what I do will help me with my lifestyle changes also.

Amy

Juicing

A while ago, I joined in with BzzAgent to help test out products.  Recently I tested out Neutrogena products and was very pleased with how smooth the eyeliner was.  I was just asked to test out some juicing info.  I joined in to try Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead (which I have watched before and really enjoyed), as well as a new program, join the reboot, which I have not heard of.  I am really looking forward to re-watching the movie as it helps to keep me motivated.

As I've shared, I have the gene mutation for the BRCA2 gene which places me more at risk for breast and ovarian cancer, as well as a small higher chance for pancreatic and skin cancer.  At this point, I have opted to forgo prophylactic surgery for a more holistic approach to cancer prevention, meaning, I am looking to change my diet and increase my exercise as well as change my reaction to stress.  

I have been running for the last 4 months, with the goal of running every other day.  I have also been making green smoothies for the last 4 months also.  I haven't been as good as I should have been, and I really think that re-watching this movie will help me to keep motivated.  Even if I didn't have a higher cancer risk, I have to admit that I would still be interested in doing the lifestyle changes that I am making.  I have tried juicing my smoothies, basically straining them through a milk bag type strainer.  It's not as easy as I would like, but maybe if I learn more that juicing is more beneficial, I will maybe invest in a juicer.

Amy

I've Made The Decision

My husband and I have been running, or at least attempting to run for the last 4 months.  We have gone every other day alternating so that we each get to go and we each get a break.  We started back in February and we were getting up at 5:30 am.  Now, I am definitely not a morning person, so I switched from 5:30 am to between 8-9 pm.  I don't mind going that late, except, I tend to miss my running time due to a multitude of reasons.  I actually prefer running at night, but I may have to start going back to the mornings again.  I am missing to many times and it too easy to make an excuse.  Recently, I asked my husband how he was able to get up at 5 am (he actually stretches out, which is something I need to start doing).  He said he just made the decision to do it and he does it.  Sounds simple doesn't it?

Well, for me it hasn't been that easy, but I have decided that I need to follow his lead and just make the decision to commit.  Now, when I say I need to make the decision to commit, I am not just talking about running!  I am making the decision to commit to running (getting up early or sucking it up and going no matter what, unless I am really, really sick), eating a meat free/dairy free/gluten free diet, making time to create, making time to donate, and making time to live the life I want to lead.

I am going to take the time to get organized, clean, and purge what I don't need.  I have slowly been purging things, but I don't think that I have been doing enough.  This is a huge piece of what is going to make my life easier.  The better organized I am, the easier it will be to have the time to do all the other things that I want to do.  I think that making this decision now is good.  I was never a tv watcher, but over the last number of years, I have started to get sucked into shows.  Now that summer is here and season finales are over, I am hoping that getting in a good routine will help me remain in a routine once the new season starts again in the fall.  I'm hopeful that I will be in such a routine, that I won't want to watch as much tv.

I am going to start researching recipes that are meat free, gluten free, and dairy free.  Myself and my oldest  son are gluten and dairy sensitive.  My oldest was also recently diagnosed with PDD NOS (he has high functioning autism) and seems to do much better when he doesn't ingest gluten and dairy.  My husband's doctor wants him to eat an animal protein free diet and from what I've researched, I've found that this is the best diet for me to eat given my BRCA2 situation, especially since I am leaning against having surgery!

I have a ton of craft supplies, and when I think about how much money I have spent on them, I get a little sick to my stomach.  I was a little crazy with buying.  Since I love to create and I have a lot of supplies to create with, my goal is to create with them and then donate them to different agencies.  I am hopeful that I can donate and get rid of some of my supplies, as well as feel good about taking time to create.

I am making the decision to follow through with my goals in life, instead of just having goals that I don't follow through with!

Amy

Being Creative

I have been trying to make a point to be creative often, almost every day if not every day.  With the weather getting nicer, I am spending more time outside with the kids.  I have been able to bring some projects outside with me, which has allowed me to create as well as allow my kids to be outside which they love.

Recently, I have been making dolls, or at least attempting to make dolls.  I remember loving dolls as a child, especially the Raggedy Ann and Andy dolls that my grandmother made for us.  I remember having life-size Raggedy Ann and Andy dolls as well as small ones.  I was lucky enough to have a Raggedy Ann doll for my daughter and a Raggedy Andy doll for each of my sons, made by my grandmother.  I actually have to make a Raggedy Andy outfit for my twin son's Raggedy Andy.  I am hoping to create some dolls for charity, as well as for fun.

 My attempt at a Waldorf doll

Baby Bows Doll in the outfits that my twins came home from the hospital in. I still need to make one for my oldest!

A sleepytime doll that I made for my niece for her Christening

The more I create, the more I realize that I love doing it.  I know that I need to make time to have this as part of my life.  I am hoping to make being creative a major part of my life, and not just something that I do when I find the time. I know that I need to start spending time actually getting good at a craft before I move on to something else. There are many times that I think that I have ADD, seriously, and the creative arena is o different. I flit from one project to another, never committing to fully learning and fully succeeding at the one I am working on. I want to stop being average at the things I create and start being proficient at it.

 I also want to start getting more creative in my cooking.  The farmer's market in town is starting in a couple of weeks and I hope to start buying more local foods and start being more creative with it.  Between my BRCA2 gene mutation (I think I have decided against surgery, at least for now) and my son recently being diagnosed with PDD NOS, I really need to watch what we are eating.  My goal is again to eat more local and to eat way more fruits and veggies (little to no animal protein for me due to the BRCA2 mutation), and decrease, maybe even totally eliminate gluten and dairy (we again have greatly reduced it, but not totally eliminated it, both my oldest and I are sensitive to it).  Part of my problem with cooking lately, is that I am bored and not feeling very creative with my cooking.  I am hoping to get inspired by going to local farmer's markets and even just walking around.  I am hoping to find some good cookbooks and some good online sites that can help to inspire me.

I am hoping to find a job at the end of the summer that will be able to take into account my love of creating.  I am under no illusion that there may not be anything out there like that, but I would love to try to find something.  I still have a few more years before I go back to work full time.  I hope by then, I can figure out how I can do work that I love instead of just working for a paycheck.  I do like being a social worker, but I don't love it.  My husband thinks that it is just because of fear of doing 1:1 counseling, but that is not it.  I don't know that I want to do 1:1 counseling! I'm not really sure I know what I want to do, but I really want to wake up and want to go to work.  Hopefully I can figure out a way for that to happen.

Amy

Getting Back On Track With This Blog

I started this blog almost 3 years ago with the goal to write about living a more natural life style.  For me this means cooking my own food, growing my own food, eating local and with the seasons, eating healthy and naturally, being creative and not buying everything at the store, or even buying things that are thrifted and "upcycling"them.  Not only am I not really following through with these things on this blog, but I have let go of actually practicing a lot of this in my life (which is maybe why I am finding it so hard to write about it).

I am moving towards a more vegan diet.  As I have written, I have the BRCA2 gene mutation, which places me at a much greater risk for breast and ovarian cancer as well as pancreatic cancer and melanoma.  I still have to decide if I am going to have surgery to reduce my risk, or if I am just going to try to do things a little more naturally.  I have some doctors appointments coming up and have to schedule a couple more.  I am hoping that after these appointments, I will be able to make a better decision on which direction to go.  If I decide to have surgery, I will also continue with a mostly vegan diet and living a lifestyle that has ways of dealing with stress.

The research that I have done, has shown that eating a plant based diet, is something that can greatly reduce your chances of getting cancer.  I figure, even if I have surgery, it can't hurt to take care of my body and eat less meat and more fruits and veggies and whole grains.  I am also planning on really going gluten free and dairy free since I have sensitivities to these foods, or at least I think I do.  I also need to be better at gluten and dairy free meals and snacks for my older son.  He too has sensitivities that seem to manifest as symptoms of Autism.  Since we have greatly reduced his gluten and dairy intake he has greatly improved.  I really believe that diet plays a huge role in how our body reacts, not just physically but mentally as well.

We will be having a garden this year, and I hope that we do better and that we can get a lot of things from our own garden.  I really need to spend some time and research how best to eat locally and seasonally as well as doing it on a budget.  I really want to start making my own foods instead of going out to eat or buying more processed foods.

I also keep thinking about crafting for charity.  I will be creating things for my local twins group to sell at their annual convention.  It will be nice to donate to something that I can directly benefit from and have benefitted from in the past.  As much as this is great, I really want to do something more.  One of these days I will get the courage to talk to my selectman friend about collecting things at the farmers market.  I would love to be more active in my community and maybe this is one way to start.  I have grand thoughts, but am not sure if they are too grand and need to be tailored down.  I will keep thinking and maybe I'll get the nerve to talk to him about it.

Amy

Cancer!

I hate this word!  Like most people, I have been more than touched by cancer within my family.  I also have the breast cancer gene mutation which freaks me out more than just a little.  The decisions I know have to make suck to say the least, but at least I have the options to make decisions (about the only positive that I see in knowing that I have the gene, well along with knowing that my kids are at risk instead of not knowing.

I just found out that someone who I went to high school with lost her husband to pancreatic cancer last night.  As a person with a BRCA2 mutation, I am also at risk for pancreatic cancer, although that risk is low especially in comparison to my breast and ovarian cancer risk.  I also found out that there is more pancreatic cancer in my family that I ever knew.  Granted it is the familial lineage is pretty far away, but at least for me, it scares the crap out of me.

Every time I hear that some has been diagnosed with cancer or passes away from cancer, I get more freaked out.  I know that I need to make certain decisions, really just whether or not I am going to have my ovaries removed or not.  Every time I think I've made the decision, I think and then lose my nerve to stick with it.  Right now I am leaning against surgery and looking more at lifestyle changes.  That may change as I get older, as I get more peri-menopausal, or as life happens.  For me, not having surgery means that I will have the chance to have surgery if I choose at a later date.  If I have surgery when I am not ready, I can never take it back.  I do know that I am putting myself more at risk for ovarian cancer, but for now, that is my decision.  I did get my blood test back for my ovarian cancer test and it was normal, good news, and I have my ultrasound next week.  I still need to schedule my breast MRI, but need to do it at a certain time so I am in a waiting period right now.

After hearing the news of my friends's husband's passing, I really need to stick with my goals.  I really need to focus on eating right, exercising, being creative, and getting my life organized.  Following through with my goals all help me relieve stress on my mind, my body, and my spirit.  Now I just need to keep this resolve and follow through.  As I sit here typing, I am drinking my green shake (after I ate a crappy lunch).  I need to make sure that I actually drink these and eat more fruits and veggies in general as well as good whole grains!

For all that want to know what I put in my shake, this is it:

Green Smoothie

1cups of green leafy veggies (today was swiss chard)
1/2 an apple (green or red)
1/2 a pear
1 banana
1/2 an avocado
1/2 a bag of frozen blackberries
10 oz of water

Blend til smooth and enjoy!  I do have a vita mix.  I'm not sure how it would work in a traditional blender.  I believe that you should have a high speed blender so that it can really get things blended so that your body can incorporate them easily.

Enjoy life and take care of yourself!

Amy

On Being Previvor

If you didn't know, I recently found out that I am a "previvor".    A previvor is a term, I believe, that was founded by force.com to designate a term for people who are positive for the BRCA gene.  I now am faced with the decision to have prophylactic surgeries to remove my ovaries and my breasts.  This has been something that I have thought about for the last couple of months.  I had started thinking about it before I got tested, but the reality of this is just finally hitting me.  Last night was really the first time that I allowed myself to break down.  I was out doing my walk/run and in the middle of it, I broke down and started crying.  I started talking to my husband about what happened and he said I really need to do research and figure out what I need to do for me and that he will support me in what ever decision I make.

If you couldn't tell by the name of this blog, I believe in living a more natural life, but I also believe that there is a balance that needs to happen when living a natural life.  This decision is one area that I believe needs to be balanced.  I don't think that it is an easy decision to make: to either have surgery to remove parts of my body, that for a lot of women including me, are part of who we are as women or to use more alternative means to prevent cancer, breast and ovarian.  Right now I am leaning to not doing surgery with the potential of maybe having my ovaries out, but not having my breasts removed.  I have felt that this was going to be the way that I would go from the beginning, but I am scared of making the wrong decision and getting cancer and leaving my husband and 3 young children before it is time all because I made the wrong decision.

The New Year's goals that I have written about are based a lot on my BRCA2 + status.  I think that if I can work harder on these goals and actually meet them or at least continue working on them, I have a good chance of preventing cancer.  There is a lot of writing out there about having a gene and getting cancer.  There is also some information on how your genes are not your destiny.  I am hoping that I can make changes to my life to help change my genetic destiny.  I need to do a ton of research, and I need to find people who are on the same page as I am.  I haven't really figured out how to find these people, but I am hoping that there may be a group that I can find, maybe a support group type forum that actually meets in person.  I love that the internet allows for all sorts of info, but I really want to meet people and talk to professionals in person.

I am hoping that at some point in my life, I will figure out what I want to do professionally and hope that the less stress I have career wise will help with less stress overall.  I would love to have a career that took into account my beliefs of living a handmade and natural life.

Wish me luck on my research endeavors!
Amy

Wishcasting Wednesday: What Do You Wish for Your Health & Wellness?

It's Wednesday once again and this week Jamie asks: "Wishcasting Wednesday: What Do You Wish for Your Health & Wellness?"

This question is near and dear to my heart.  As I've written, I've tested positive for the BRCA2 gene which means I am more at risk for Breast and Ovarian cancer.  It was crazy to think that I wouldn't be positive.  My mom has had breast cancer, her mom,  her mom's twins sister, and my mom's grandmother.  There are a lot of decisions I need to make, but thankfully I don't need to make them right now.  Do I have surgery?  Do I pass on the surgery and try to just eat healthy and exercise and try to deal with stress better as well as have my preventative tests every 6 months?  Do I just take a wait and see approach and make the decision as time goes on?  Oh, and this gene also places me at higher risk for pancreatic cancer, which my grandmother's sister died of as well as melanoma.  These are not a really high risk , but definitely higher than the general population.  

What do I wish for my health and wellness?  I wish that I will make the right decision for my overall health, including my mind, body, and spirit.  I wish that no matter what decision I make, regarding this as well as any decision in my life, I make an informed decision based on facts and not fear.  I wish to have a healthy mind body and spirit.  I wish to make time to make this wish a reality.

What do you wish for?

Amy

Diet, Diet, Diet!!!!

Ok, so I really should have said diet, exercise and stress reduction!  Right now, that is my plan for how to deal with my BRCA 2 test results.  At this point, I am not willing to remove body parts.  To be honest, I am scared of many things, both having surgery and not having surgery.  I honestly can't imagine removing my breasts without actually needing to, but I also am totally scared that I will get cancer and die early.

I am trying to make some pretty radical changes to my diet.  My goal is to eventually eat a vegan raw diet, but for now, it is very slow going.  I have started eating green smoothies in the morning, the problem is that I am still eating foods that are not really what I should be eating.  I am hoping that I can  increase the good foods and in return, I will decrease the amount of bad foods.  I am hoping to increase my exercise and lose weight.

As for stress management, I have 3 small kids and life is a little crazy.  I need to make sure that I make time to be creative.  That is the biggest piece of my stress reduction plan.  I also need to make time for yoga and meditation.

All this being said, I don't know what the future will bring.  As time passes, I may change my mind and decide to have surgery.  At this point, I don't want surgery, bit this is not a decision I plan to make lightly.  I will be doing a ton of research and try to find out what the next steps should be.

Amy

Test Results

If you didn't know, my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer just about 1 year ago.  She has gone through chemo and radiation treatments and so far things are looking positive.  Her lump was caught early, unlike my grandmother her mother, who almost 6 years ago died of breast cancer.  Since my mom got diagnosed, she also got tested for the BRCA gene.  She got confirmation that she is a carrier for the BRCA 2 gene.  Currently, in my family, my mom, my grandmother, my grandmother's twin sister, and my great grandmother all have had breast cancer.  My grandmother's younger sister also had and died of pancreatic cancer, which the BRCA 2 gene puts you at higher risk for.

Now that my mom got tested, my sisters and I had to decide if we were going to get tested.  At first, I was leaning totally against having the gene test.  After talking with my doctor, I decided that it would be better to find out if I had the gene, because with my family history, without getting tested, I would need to have increased testing to ensure that things were caught early just in case I was at higher risk and didn't know it. I got met with a genetic counselor right after Christmas and with my husband decided to have the test.  Just about a week ago, I found out that I tested positive for the gene.

I wasn't totally surprised at the results, but I was still in shock from actually seeing it on paper and having one of my worst fears confirmed.  Of course, the immediate recommendation was to have a bilateral mastectomy and oophorectomy.  I was told that I needed to meet with an oncologist and discuss my options.  If I decided not to have surgery, I need to have a mammogram and a MRI every 6 months alternating each time.  If I don't have the oophorectomy, I need to have a trans-vaginal ultrasound and a CA-125 blood test every 6 months.  Even though I don't have cancer, I left that appointment feeling like I had been given a a death sentence, especially if I didn't have surgery.  Not exactly a great feeling to have especially not actually having cancer. I thought that since my family tended to get cancer later in life, I have a decent amount of time to decide, but no, they just lucked out (if getting cancer at all can be considered lucky) and got cancer later in life.  The BRCA 2 gene tends to cause earlier cancers, something I did not expect to hear.

I am still trying to figure out where to go from here.  I have 3 small kids and a great husband.  I don't want to get cancer.  I don't want to go through the pain and suffering and even potentially die, but I also don't want to have surgery.  There are too many reasons to go into right now, and at some point I will probably write about it just to put it in words that I can actually read.  My New Year's goals go along with the changes that I want to make especially now that I have tested positive for the gene.

My diet needs to change and so do my exercise habits.  I have joined in with another twins mom's blog for a healthy challenge.  I am hoping that this challenge will help me make the changes that I need to make and hopefully make theme stick.

As well as changing my diet, I want to continue to try to use natural cleansers for my home and my body instead of using chemicals.  I want to start doing yoga like I have been wanting to.  I actually saw a book that I may get so that I can do yoga with the kids.  I also want to focus on doing things to reduce my stress. According to the book "Crazy Sexy Diet", reducing stress helps increase telomerase which helps with increasing the size of telomeres which intern helps prevent chronic disease (I hope I explained that right.  I should go back and double check).  One way to help reduce my stress is by creating.  I am hopeful that living the kind of life that I want to live will help me live a long happy healthy life! 

Amy