On Being Previvor

If you didn't know, I recently found out that I am a "previvor".    A previvor is a term, I believe, that was founded by force.com to designate a term for people who are positive for the BRCA gene.  I now am faced with the decision to have prophylactic surgeries to remove my ovaries and my breasts.  This has been something that I have thought about for the last couple of months.  I had started thinking about it before I got tested, but the reality of this is just finally hitting me.  Last night was really the first time that I allowed myself to break down.  I was out doing my walk/run and in the middle of it, I broke down and started crying.  I started talking to my husband about what happened and he said I really need to do research and figure out what I need to do for me and that he will support me in what ever decision I make.

If you couldn't tell by the name of this blog, I believe in living a more natural life, but I also believe that there is a balance that needs to happen when living a natural life.  This decision is one area that I believe needs to be balanced.  I don't think that it is an easy decision to make: to either have surgery to remove parts of my body, that for a lot of women including me, are part of who we are as women or to use more alternative means to prevent cancer, breast and ovarian.  Right now I am leaning to not doing surgery with the potential of maybe having my ovaries out, but not having my breasts removed.  I have felt that this was going to be the way that I would go from the beginning, but I am scared of making the wrong decision and getting cancer and leaving my husband and 3 young children before it is time all because I made the wrong decision.

The New Year's goals that I have written about are based a lot on my BRCA2 + status.  I think that if I can work harder on these goals and actually meet them or at least continue working on them, I have a good chance of preventing cancer.  There is a lot of writing out there about having a gene and getting cancer.  There is also some information on how your genes are not your destiny.  I am hoping that I can make changes to my life to help change my genetic destiny.  I need to do a ton of research, and I need to find people who are on the same page as I am.  I haven't really figured out how to find these people, but I am hoping that there may be a group that I can find, maybe a support group type forum that actually meets in person.  I love that the internet allows for all sorts of info, but I really want to meet people and talk to professionals in person.

I am hoping that at some point in my life, I will figure out what I want to do professionally and hope that the less stress I have career wise will help with less stress overall.  I would love to have a career that took into account my beliefs of living a handmade and natural life.

Wish me luck on my research endeavors!
Amy

Cancer Support and New Projects!

So, I did it.  I made the decision to cut my hair short and I love it!  As I posted earlier, I initially started thinking about this because my mom was trying to decide between chemo or no chemo and one of her concerns was losing her hair.  I thought that I could make the sacrifice of cutting my hair which I had been growing for about a year and a half, then I thought that maybe that really wasn't that much a a support.  the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to cut my hair, not just for my mom but for me.  I love my hair short, but for some reason, I thought that I should grow my hair long (I also wanted to save money and time).  So in support of my mom and all those who lose their hair to chemo, I chopped off my hair.

Also, in support of Cancer, I started my first prayer shawl.  I attempted to say a prayer while I was knitting it, but I found that I couldn't knit and pray at the same time, so I may just have to say a prayer at the end.  I am hoping that it comes out nice and that I can give it to my mom for when she has her treatments.  Unfortunately, she starts her treatments this week so I know it won't be ready for when she starts, but if I work really hard , hopefully she can have it for later.  I am following a pattern, and it's an easy pattern and I know how to follow a pattern, but it seems like it is going to be really small.  I  may have to look at doing another shawl for my mom and give this one to someone smaller.  I also want to start on some chemo caps for my mom and maybe in time for others.  I may be able to do prayer hats where I can pray while I knit the hat.  I've never heard of prayer hats, but what the heck, if you are praying for someone to get well, can't you pray while making anything for that person.  I'm off to look at chemo cap patterns and pick one for my mom.  Any suggestions?

Amy

The Simple Life

I think I tend to make life harder on myself.  Often I have these great ideas, but they are usually require too much work and I end up giving up.  One of my recent comments was about living the simple life, and I think I really need to embrace that thought.  I am making changes one step at a time and that seems to be making life a little less stressful an a little easier to handle.  I made my menu plan for the week, healthy but easy.  I think I only have one day that I don't have anything planned and that is Saturday since there is a chance that may be our take out night.  I am getting back on track with my laundry, but I still have a ton of clothes that I have to fold and put away.  Once that is done, I will be pretty good with the laundry.  I have started to wash my laundry on cold, except for the diapers.  Things seem to be going good with th new old washer.  I really need to stop using the dryer so much.  I want to get a clothes line for the basement like I had when I was growing up.  It was like a real clothes line that hung from the rafters.  Right now we are using clothes hangers, which works, but there are only so many hangers and I don't know if we have enough.  I will be encouraging my husband to put up a line outside for the nice weather though.  I need to start making snacks for the kids, especially for Michael to bring to school.  My newest resolution is KISS, "Keep It Simple Stupid".  Ny next step is to move on to doing more activities with the kids, that is more than just physical or maybe add some physical activities into some of the more sedentary activites I want to do, like reading a book and acting out the story instead of jsut sitting there while I read the story to them.

Not to keep talking about something as simple as my hair, but as much as I don't want to have to get my haircut often given the cost of haircuts, I have decided that I want to go short again.  I am planning on going short like I was about 1 1/2 years ago.  It was short, but not spiky short.  I will ahve to spend a little time on my hair, but I am really looking forward to cutting my hair short again, though some would consider my hair short now.  A friend is looking into setting something up for a haircutting event, but I am thinking I want to do this sooner than later.  I am looking to stay local, but I am thinking I would love to get this done this weekend.  I will post a picture once I get it done.  I really can't wait.  I think I grew my hair long again for some good reasons, such as time to get it cut, cost, and just the desire to try long hair again after many years of short hair.  But I think I grew it for a lot of wrong reasons too, such as a certain person who is no longer in my life making some negative comments and feeling like I should have long hair because girls are supossed to have long hair and want long hair.  the funny thing is I remember my grandmother saying that there are certainthings a girl should do, wear earrings every day, have long hair, wear a necklace eevry day.  She was shocked when I got my hair cut so short and I was actually afraid to let her see it short at one point.  But, I will always remember her telling me that she actually liked my hair short.  That was an amazing moment.  I also remember how I felt every time I got my haircut (that is if it was a good cut, there were some bad ones in there).  I have gotten lots of compliments on how short hair suits my face.  I've gotten some compliments with my longer hair, but mainly about my hair, not necessarily that the long hair looks good on me!  My husband will say that either style look good, but I think short is better.  Even though there is some nervousnes about the actual cutting, I can't wait for short hair again.  I don't think I ever want to go back to long hair, but if history shows up anything, at some point, I will probably grow it out again. I just feel so good in short hair.  I feel like it is the only time that I look good and in style.  There is always the idea that I am doing it in support of my mom's potential for losing her hair, but that is really just a small part of it.  I am really just doing this for me!  I also have a potential salon that 4 people in my extended family go to and strongly recommend.  Ithink I may be giving them a call, and I get to keep it local, always a good thing (that is if my friend hasn't started a whole process yet)  I just am really excited about this decision.

Amy who in a couple of day will have a whole new look! Hopefully!!!!!