I had planned to be this natural, holistic mother/woman, but in reality, so many of my goals just don't seem to be happening. Since I started dating my husband and learning about holistic health and holistic living, I have really wanted to change my lifestyle. In some ways I have, but in many ways, I still need work.
For myself, I really need to change my diet. I often make changes and then for whatever reason, I don't follow through. I really need to start following an anti-candida diet so that I can see if eliminating certain foods makes me feel better. I need to stop giving into my craving and start being strong and having resolve. I need to continue to exercise and hopefully this time, I'll meet my goal of running a 5K. I need to continue to be creative, since I feel like this is my therapy.
For my family,there are so many goals that I had that just never came to fruition and now I have no way of meeting those goals. Overall, I have given myself permission to say that it is ok that I didn't meet those goals. Sometimes, there are just certain things that get in the way that one has no control over. One of those goals, was to have a natural child birth. I attempted it with my older son, and due to different complications, I ended up with a c-section. When I found out I was pregnant again, I decided I wanted a VBAC. Then I found out it was twins, and that there would be certain requirements to meet. I ended up not being able to have a VBAC due to my son, baby B being breech. I had also wanted to breast feed my kids, but againthey just got a little time with breast milk, and my twins got barely anything. Again, there were certain circumstances that contributed to this, but sometimes I wonder if I could have/sould have tried harder. the other thing that I wanted to do was be a really great mom to my kids. I am not trying to say that I'm a bad mom, I am just saying that there are so many things that I could an dcan do better. I am really trying to make a point of doing what I want to do to be a great mom!
At this point, I just need to let go of the past failures and move forward with my current goals. I need to not let any failure become something that continues to make me go down the road that I really don't want to go down. I need to be clear with myself about what I want and what I need and make every effort to follow through. I also need to make sure that I am honest with what I can do and not make goals that will be certain to end in failure. My next post should probably be what those goals are so that I can have in writing what my goals are and I can make certain that they are attainable. If I learned anything from my social work career, it is taht goals should be attainable, something just out of reach and then once you attain that goal, you can change it again. Goals can also be changed to go backwards. If, for some reason, I find that I can't attain the goals that I have set for myself, I can always change it to something less stringent so that I can meet that goal and feel like I have made some progress!
God, I feel like I just had a little mini therapy session with myself. Not too many people read my blog, but I am realizing that those that do and comment mean the world to me, and even if I don't get comments, I think it really helps me to get out what is in my head. There is so much more I could write, but for now I will stop and start antoehr therapy session another day!